I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
