Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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