I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
