I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
