Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
