Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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