im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
