the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
