Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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