her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
