North Korea, Best Korea!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
