i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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