alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
