so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
