how can u be prego again
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
