It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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