I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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