I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
did you just send me my own nude
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
