I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
