so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
