One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
