I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
