Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
