you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
