I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize