Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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