all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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