K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he shaved USA in his pubs
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
