i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
