What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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