i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
