the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
