As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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