one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
