I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
