That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
