Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
