I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
