I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
