if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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