I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
