Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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