in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
