Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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