Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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