Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
