are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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