just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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