I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
