I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
