I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
