TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
