Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
