i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
