ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
