mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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