I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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