He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
