i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
