Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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