Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
