Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
