He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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