Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
