My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is wine microwaveable?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
