I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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