my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
