It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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