i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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